Track 8
Human Observation Journal
Date: XX/◯X
Weather: Sunny & blindingly bright!
Gii’s Status Report: He pointed out that I was homesick and wanted to return to my home planet.
During that moment, I successfully managed to share with Gii that indescribable and amorphous feeling called ‘loneliness’.
Who knew alienated Aliegos could deepen their mutual understanding both ways, without having to swallow each other whole! This is all thanks to choosing Gii as my donor + teacher + friend.
Discovery: The feelings I had on the final day of the trip. Was this also the reason why Ono kept putting off the day he would disappear?
…As I thought, the seed of ‘loneliness’ had already been buried in me back then. I feel like this might evolve into something I’ve not yet discovered.
Since loneliness is relative, it was something humans had that I didn’t. You guys back home better study more ‘bout this, got it~?!
If I knew what I know now, maybe I could’ve analyzed the feelings Ono carried with much better understanding, and we could’ve had even more fun talking together.
And then maybe… Maybe something could’ve blossomed from that little seed.
HAMA House - Meeting Room
Great work on the study trip, guys!
So, about the feature tour. Have you already decided on the concept, Netaro-kun?
Hoho. Of course I have!
Introducing: “The Friendly Hospitality Tour for Humans~”!
Simply put, this is a project where I use my genius intellect and super technology from beyond the solar system to pamper humanity to the absolute fullest!
I see. So the idea is to provide hospitality from an alien’s perspective.
Y-Yes, that’s the… gimmick… we’re doing. At our shops.
We’ll set up fatigue-recovery zones and have humans participate in communication activities they’d probably enjoy! This is all to reduce their levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
It really incorporates both your experience at the UFO Fes, and the unique Netaro-kun style!
I’ve already got a buncha brand-new inventions prepared just for that!
Anisama made sure all the inventions were safe!
Is he some lab rat…?
Thank you as always, my boy.
Unlike his usually crappy inventions, this one’s actually kinda decent.
Ohh… A rare positive review.
If anything, I’m feelin’ better than before. Hell, I think I’ve gotten a bit taller ‘n’ stronger too.
Even after travelling to all 18 locations to take photos of life-sized cutouts of Toi’s favourite character, I wasn’t the least bit tired.
It’s true! Anisama has gone to all 18 locations in just a single day for me…!
Haah, you’re so cooool, I feel faint…
Go ahead, lean on me as much as you need. I can take it all…
(It’s just his imagination though. His height didn’t actually change.)
So you’re tellin’ me not only is Netaro’s invention harmless, it’s also helpful…?
And Ryui doesn’t seem to have developed any strange after effects… Perhaps, did Netaro have a change of heart?
Not reaaally~? I’m a good kid, after all♪
I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I raised him myself.
And with that, it’s time! Off we go, Gii!
Okay. See you later, everyone.
Ah, take care, you two!
-Netaro and Nagi run off-
…Huh? Wait, huh?
They in a hurry or somethin’?
Ahh… I’ve heard Netaro has been devoting himself to ‘human protection activities’ with Nagi lately.
H-Human protection activities…?
Is it like cat rescue activities?
More like he’s doin’ some shit to help people and all. But knowin’ that guy, whether it’s actually useful is pretty damn questionable.
I see… Netaro-kun has a lot on his mind, huh…
But hey, everything’s coming together nicely for the tour!
(There’s always some kind of trouble with the feature tour… but maybe this one will actually go off without a hitch!)
Just don’t get your hopes up aaaannd he’s not listening…
Yokohama Station
Assistant Chuu, present~
Now that Assistant #2 has joined us, it’s time to begin today’s human protection activities~!
-PING-
Netaro, your “Cortisol Detection Radar” is already picking up a signal.
As expected. There are soooo many humans in front of the station that the area is PACKED with flashing red signals reading ‘extremely high’.
Sigh… The Monday morning rush hour… My boss’ harassment is making my stomach turn sour…
Instructions that make no sense… Holidays and vacations are just a pretense… It’s cutting deep into me like a knife… A cog in the machine, this is my life…
PROTEEEEECTION!
Eek… What’s going on!? Going after middle-aged guys…!? Bring it on…!
We’re neither going after middle-aged guys nor harvesting rice. We’re just humble human protection activists.
Full-body scan, commenciiiing~
Hoho. Ahhh, I see. I’ve figured out what kind of protection you need.
It’s… MUSCLES!
Muscles… Like gains? Will it help me go through this pain…?
Muscles can solve pretty much everything! If we increase your muscle mass to the point where you feel like you could twist your power-harassing boss like a dirty rag whenever you want, I predict your mental health will stabilize.
I’ll give you the same legal doping I tested on Ryui and activate your cells for about a month, so get to training~
I see… I get it…!? I’m bursting with motivation to get fit…!
-He runs off-
He ran off with a pep in his step…!
Target readings: all greeeeen.
A’ight, next!
A Certain Park
-PING-
According to the radar, the woman over there surrounded by pigeons has a stress level of Extremely High. It’s an orange alert.
PROTECT HER IMMEDIATELY~~~!
I’m so scared…! The pigeons kept swarming me…! Even though I don’t have any seeds…!
Coo coo coo— (Please feed us—)
I shall grant you the ‘One-Tap Pigeonese I-Don’t-Have-Seeds Declaration Button’. If you’re ever surrounded by pigeons, just press this, and they should understand you.
Boop.
Coo-roo coo coo-roo—! Coo-roo coo coo-roo—! (I don’t have any seeds! I don’t have any seeds!)
Coo-roo. Coo-coo-roo— (What the hell. That sucks—)
-they leave-
Ahh, peace has been restored…!
Coo-roo, all greeeeen.
NEXT!
Ah, sorry. I need to make a delivery soon, so I’m heading off now.
Meatbun order, receiving nooow. La-di-da…
Both my assistants have fallen, huh! Then I shall recruit some new helpers!
Oguro Hospital
-PING-
This is something that Yowa-sama has developed: the ‘Back-Fat Sprinkled Tonkotsu Style Flavored Oblate’.
It is only there for the flavour, so there is no need to be concerned about consuming excessive amounts of fat.
Man, this is exactly the kind of thing I’ve been looking for. I’ve always found it such a hassle to take my medicine, you know?
NEXT!
Shopping Mall
-squeak-
Mm? What’s that sound? It’s not coming from the radar.
Ah! It’s coming from that girl holding a plushie!
Uweeeh… Mama...
The cause of the target’s stress is clear as day!
Leave it to me! I’ll use my divination to locate her mom.
Thank you so much for finding my daughter…!
Come on, let’s say thank you to these nice young men.
Mm… thank you. Bye bye.
Bye byeee~
Hehe, she’s adorable.
Oh, I’ll ask Aachama to help out next time.
A’ight~! Shall we distinguish you two as Assistant #4a and Assistant #4b?
They’ve got a criminal record, after all! They once pulverized my hard candy, and also got Gii all drunk before doing ‘it’ with me. So let’s work them to the bone!
(Anisama has seen Netaro-san change, so I want to make sure Aachama sees it too…)
-PING-
Still more to go! NEXT~!
Alright!
Downtown HAMA
Haaah, heeeh, hoooh… Hrrgh, I’m totally wiped ouuuut~ My legs are becoming one with the floooor~…
I can’t believe I ended up without any assistants at the end… Sooooo tired…
I started doing this whole human protection thingy on a whim…
(But am I really getting any closer to becoming a ‘good alien’?)
I need to become a good kid, evade the Yorozu’s evil clutches, and keep Earth away from an apocalypse.
(So I won’t end up alone and lonely in this universe…)
……That aside.
(The most interesting case I saw today was the behavior of the ninth girl I protected. The one with heavy bangs.)
(Her eyes were practically shooting daggers from jealousy over that—what was it again… Her boyfriend? Soy blend?)
(Back on my home planet, the stronger one simply eats the weaker one when something like that happens, so emotions never expand to anything nearly that huge.)
Love… No matter how far you peek into its depths, you’ll never see the end of it~
-Netaro's stomach starts playing "Fate Symphony No.5"1-
And now I’m starving. I might not even make it all the way back to HAMA House~…
Well then, change of destination. Hard a starboard~!
Flower Laundry
Ah! Netaro-shan, welcome!
Good work today. Sorry I had to leave early. Are you done with today’s human protection activities?
All done~ Gimme food~
Inside Flower Laundry
Alright, here…
Oh, we don’t need to do ‘it’. Give me some actual food. Like that miso soup simmering over there.
No, I really think you’ve gone too long without it. I could see right through you at that time…
Well, that’s because I’m going to become a good alien.
It wouldn’t be very good of me to have my friend Gii’s white blood cells running around in a panic and form scabs, no? What’s in the miso soup~?
…So you’re saying you’ll do ‘it’ with someone other than me? That’s absolutely a no-go. Also, it's clams and discounted spinach.
Why not? What about those jiggly things?
Because… It’s scary… And I’d feel bad for them… They were out of tofu, sorry.
(Huh, I thought he wasn’t scared anymore. Then it really is something to feel bad about. All the more reason to not do it to Gii.)
Oh, right. Gimme some of your tissue paper.
Tissue? Mm, here—
Waitwaitwait, wh-wh-wh-why are you digging around in my trash??
Adaptation factors can be extracted from nasal mucus, or any bodily secretion.
It tastes awful though.
Nononono it’s not just the taste that’s the problem. There’s hygiene, dignity, human rights, and—oh, I dropped the ladle.
-CRASH-
That pot’s bubbling over, by the way.
Oh no, my miso soup… it’s all over the stove and floor. I’ll turn it off—OW OW OW OW OW OW OW.
Oh my gosh!! I jush heard a really huge crash! What’sh going on!?
A lot. Pleashe help me…
And what are you doing with that trash can!
Siiiigh. Dinner’s gonna take even longer nooow~
