Track 1

I blew what little money I had to soak liver in milk and kept eating it until I was in tip-top condition only for you to go “Nah I don’t wanna do it anymore” and cancel on me out of nowhere without considering how I feel like yeah

sometimes I have customers who can’t collect their order due to unavoidable circumstances but that’s because those are genuinely unavoidable circumstances and it can’t be helped so they give me a heads-up but you Netaro you should at least have the decency to give me a heads-up—

Fair! I did tell you to work on your diet, ‘cause if you’re gonna eat nothing but that non-heme iron, then your blood won’t be very iron-rich! It’ll just taste like those formic-acid nectro buns from Planet Paipo.

But my belly was already filled to the max with Yuki’s shumai. Thus! I figured that I might as well mass-produce a buncha blood packs for a quick 10-second recharge, send them straight to the freezer, and decided not to do ‘it’ with Gii~

And then Gii gave me this kind of bitter look! How strange!

Discovery: When humans clean their ears, their nostrils puff ah, ahhh—

ACHOOOOO!!

Bweh… *sniff*

Fuck, you sneeze way too loud! You’re gonna wake Toi up!

Don't worry, Anisama. I’m still awake. But are you okay, Netaro-san?

‘m ‘kaaaaay. Gimme tissue, Toy~

Here you go.

SNRKKKKKK!

Oh, my observation journal… *wipe, wipe*…

That’s gross. You’re supposed to cover your mouth with your hand when you sneeze. Y’know, your hand.

I heard that sneezing means someone could be talking about you…

I must be aCHOO-per duper popular then!!

…

Nngh~~~ My eyes are getting soooo bleary, and I can’t stop sneezing~

…Ain’t no way… you’ve actually got—

W-Wait, Anisama.

This could be the kind of thing that gets worse when you become more aware of it…

…Well, true, knowing ‘bout it isn’t gonna help us this late at night anyway.

You’re still so kind, Toi. Even Nightingale¹ would envy how compassionate you are.

Hehe, no one can even compare to how kind-hearted you are, Anisama…

Cough, cough… ‘m going to beeeed…

Good morning, let us begi—!

I DUN WANNA!!!!!

Huh!?

Damn, he didn’t even let you finish.

You’re just gonna discuss ‘bout choosing the main ho, ho-host, for the F-F-FEATURE, Tou—

………

N-Netaro-san…?

He’s frozen in place with his mouth open like he’s about to sneeze.

This is a regular meeting to decide the main host for the feature event, but…!

Talk about a bad start.

Anyways… Me, Ryui, and Netaro have yet to be the main host.

…! ...!

Look at Netaro-san’s mouth, there must be something he really wants to say…!

I bet it’s somethin’ like “what a drag”, “I don’t wanna work”, “I wanna skip”. I totally get how ya feel.

Don’t go puttin’ words in his mouth.

Hm… Toi-kun, Yodaka-san. Since both of you have been main host before, maybe you could say something to change his mind…!

……

Let’s see… There are challenges that come with being the main host, but being able to pick the study trip location is definitely a plus!

I agree. Is there anywhere you would like to visit, Netaro?

…Ah.

Well? Did you change your mind on being the—

PWASHOOOOOO!!!

!?

Wah—!? That was a big one!!

Ew, right in Natsume’s face…!

Yikes, you’ve done it now.

……

Oh, he looks mad. Even Yodaka-san has his limits…

Yodaka-san, please use my handkerchief…!

Thank you. And don’t worry, I’m not angry or anything.

That’s why I told you to use your damn hand. Toi, get behind me.

Netaro, let’s say sorry after you blow your nose.

But it’s wa-SHOO!! WASHOOO!! Was an acc-CHOO!! ACHOOOOOO!!

What are you, a fuckin’ train…?²

GWAHHH~~~!! My nose is all stuffy and my eyeballs are SO, ITCHY~~~! I wanna scoop them out of my eye sockets and soak them in water!

...

Netaro, could it be…?

Now wait a sec. If you say it, it’ll make things worse—

Do you have hay fever?

He said it.

H-Hay febahr~??

Yeah, it’s when pollen from plants like cedar and cypress cause allergy symptoms, like sneezing, a stuffy nose, itchy eyes, and so on…

You just rattled off all my symptoms!? Then why are you guys all fine in the first place!?

It’s probably because everyone experiences it differently… Even the changing seasons can affect you, right?

Mhm. Besides cedar and cypress, there are all kinds of other pollen throughout the year, like grass pollen and ragweed pollen.

You seriously know nothing ‘bout hay fever?

DUN DUN DUUUUN… I, CAUGHT AN ILLNESS…!

Heh, sucks to be you. They say once you get hay fever, you’re done for.

WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘I’M DONE FOR’!? Don’t tell me this is an INCURABLE DISEASE!?

It’s not. Ryui’s just exaggerating.

REAAALLY? Giiiii~ Sniff, sniff……

WAIT!? Gii is a florist… Flowers… POLLEN…!!

BACK OFF, ALLERGEN!

Huh.

To think that you’ve been living surrounded by flowers this whole time, and yet you came up to me innocently—

You pollen-covered walking biological weapon…!! I’m throwing out every last pack in the freezer!!

……!

Pack?

Th-That’s… I couldn’t possibly drink the milk I soaked the liver in, so I reluctantly poured it down the drain. What was even the point of all my suffering, then…

Don’t know what’s going on in this conversation, but y’know you can just soak the liver in water, right?

………!?

Still… Your symptoms seem rather severe. I think it would be a good idea to go to a hospital to get some medicine prescribed.

That’s right. Netaro-kun, I can accompany you if you’d like.

(…! If Netaro were to get a checkup at the hospital, they’re gonna know he’s not actually human…)

Hmph, like I would go to a human hospitACHOO!! Their quantum scanning’s still so immature, and they can’t even perform genetic modificaSHOOON!

Ah, um… Actually, before we go to the hospital, Netaro has to let his parents’ favourite garlic age properly and give them a call, or else there’ll be a huge disaster.

They’re at a level even LOWER than the primitive age compared to a higher-dimensional lifeform like m–EWACHOO!!

More importantly, it seems he wants to excavate a fossil from primitive age from under a construction site.

What the fuck are you talking about.

Sniiiiffs.

Oh no… Is it time already…!?

Welp, time to pack up. A different team’s gonna use this room soon.

Too bad we haven’t decided on anything…

Chief, I’ll wash your handkerchief and return it to you later.

Alright then, Nagi-kun, Ryui-kun, and Netaro-kun. Make sure you come up with some potential study trip locations before our next meeting!

Okay.

GOT-CHOO!

Don’t reply with a sneeze.

Grrrrr~~~ So annoooooying!! You won’t get pollinated even if you’re inside of me! You’re supposed to be at the very bottom of the food chain~~~!!

Gii~~~! Hurry up and scrub my back!

Scrub all the pollen off my body! Or better yet, scrub it off the entire planet~~~

…Okay. I’ll scrub your back for you, but…

Listen, Netaro. Pollen is essential for plants to reproduce.

Wind-pollinated flowers like cedar and cypress rely on the wind to carry their pollen so they can reproduce…

I don’t care ‘bout the reproductive affairs of inferior lifeforms! Do my head next, Gii!

Okay, okay. Put on your shampoo hat.

I’ve been on Earth for quiiite some time now, but this never happened to me before…

Finally… This planet has finally bared its fangs at me…

Some people are totally fine as kids, but develop hay fever as adults. Maybe that’s what’s going on with you, Netaro.

I guess so… I’ve heard there are many investigators who ended up getting sick or even killed in action due to unknown local viruses, bacteria, and the like during their mission on planets being considered for invasion.

But judging from what Daa and Doudou said earlier—

Hay fever, huh… Didn’t they start calling it a “national disease” in JPN?

Well, people say it started becoming widespread because of the mass planting of cedar trees after World War II, to restore the devastated lands.

I’ve also heard that years of air pollution have made people more susceptible to allergic reactions.

Well, guess that’s the consequences of human history pilin’ up.

ISN’T THIS PRETTY MUCH ALL THE FAULT OF STUPID HUMANSSSS~~~!!

Ow… The hat hit me right in the forehead…

Hah—! Foolishness upon foolishness!!

Stupid humans fighting each other stupidly without thinking ‘bout the consequences, and they only end up shooting themselves in the foot! And now I’M the one suffering from the repercussions!

I-I’m sorry, I guess…?

…Maybe I should just go ahead and wipe out this entire planet.

Ah, um, what we humans did is inexcusable, so I ask for your forgiveness. As a representative of humanity, I’ll make sure to rinse you thoroughly. Is there anywhere I missed~?

Hmmmm~~~~

(But I wonder…)

(What would other aliens do in this kind of situation…?)

MAYDAY, MAYDAY. EMERGENCY SITUATION.

THIS PLANET, BAD NEWS. REQUESTING IMMEDIATE RETURN.

My pretty face is covered with my own bodily fluids and has become such an atrocious sight to behold. I’m being tormented endlessly by this unbearable itchiness and nonstop sneezing. Even my genius brain feels like it’s shrouded in fog and completely useless.

I hereby report that this remote backwater planet is being ravaged by a truly horrifying disease, with myself serving as a noble sacrifice to deliver this report.

And with that, I shall end my report here—

(Not that I’m gonna get any help anyways…)

(It’s because this planet’s invasion candidate tier is at the very bottom of the bucket: ZZZ (Zeno Zeno Triple Z). So they’ve completely abandoned me here…)

…Mm? Did someone pick up?